Tomorrow will be a year since I have hugged you and kissed you. You are always with me even you have gone to almighty. I want to tell you how kind and loyal you are. You are loyal and kind than many humans on this earth. You came into my life from nowhere. I never wanted a dog in my life. I was so cleaned freak, but you made a mess in my house and could not say a single word. I still find your hair on my clothes. I like to confess that you have brought happiness in my life. I and you have spent 12 years of our life together. I am also very upset at you because you have taken all my happiness along with you. I know that it was not your fault. But you should know it and should live with me for a long time. I am all alone. You left thinking that your hooman mommy is not alone anymore. Banny boy, mom’s happiness was also gone along with you. I wish that you were with me, so I could hug you and cry when my bubby was gone. However, you are gone to almighty. I am so happy for you that you have left the earth which is full of cunning and selfish people. I don’t have to tell you how your mommy has suffered and how a selfish and human was able to blackmail your mommy. I am happy though that you have united with Inayat boy. He will keep good care of you. He promises me a giving you fresh water and food to you.
You are gone to the almighty boy. You might have found a good company there. But your mommy misses you every day. I hope you miss me too. Mommy has tried her best to meet you guys in the heaven but God has different desires, so he did not permit me. I swear to God that I had tried 8 times to leave the earth but I never succeeded. I had knocked God’s door many times, but he never opened the door. I am not sure what is his desire. Why does he want me to stay on the earth? Your hooman brother and sister had grown up so why I need to be on the earth. Your dad has abandoned your mother. Can you believe it, Banny boy? You are the witnessed if all humans have forgotten how much he loved your mom. I know both you don’t like each other very much but Dad had accepted it after you were gone. He told me once, “Banny should not go”.
I have loved you and your hooman daddy both. Then why both you had left mommy alone at the same time? both of you guys know well that mommy won’t have a life without you, but you guys still left me. Okay, you could cheat me, but dad was not allowed to leave me alone.
Yes, my biological kids are right that mommy loves you more than them. They were right. But they also love you too. I want to share a secrete with you, boy. They both love you more than me. Can you believe it? I talk to them seldom since dad is gone. Guess what? Our conversation starts with you and always ends with you. Both kids are more worried about me now than they were in your presence. They often tell me, “Oh, yeah, we are worried about you since the dame dog is gone”. Can you believe it? Both still don’t dare to tell your mommy, “Oh yeah, we are worried about since your love of life (dad) and your real son is gone”. But they are nice children. I also confess that I always had given you a preference over them. You used to destroy my house, but I never said a single word. But I always yell at them keeping dirty dishes on the counter. I have taken your side but you still left your mommy alone. I am not happy about it all.
I am sorry Banny boy. You had suffered in a pain because of me at the end of your life. I had become greedy that I didn’t pay attention to your pain. I just did not want to lose you. You were my best buddy who I could trust blindly. You and dad were the only two who I could trust blindly but both of you decided to leave me at the same time. Yes, I was afraid to lose you. You were much better than human. I was thinking, “as I am taking my son to kill”. This was the main reason that I was continued to ignore your pain. I was feeling guilty to kill you even though for your good sake and dignity, and quality of life. I am so sorry, boy. I am so sorry. I was acting as a mother but not acted as loyal to you as you were always with me.
I am keeping your many bandanas. I refuse to donate them. I am keeping your water bottles. I am keeping your left-over food, shampoo, and your perfumes. I know that you are gone forever. I am still grieving as a mom. I don’t know if I am grieving for you or my loving hubby bubby. I won’t hide it from you. I am so sorry that I have used your name many times when I cried remembering my loving bubby. I always end up saying, “I am missing my Banny boy”.
Everybody at my work or family and friends still misses you. People might think your mother is crazy. But they don’t realize how much different you have made in my life. How loyal and kind you are compared to any human. I still remember how you woke up the kids when I was vomiting severely due to migraine. I loved it when you had barked at their doors in the morning. I loved it when you peed at their belongings to just remind them to keep it in the proper place.
All of us miss you but your mommy misses you a lot. I miss your absence in the kitchen. You were entitled to thieve # 1 who loved stealing from mommy. Dad was number two who also loved stealing from mommy, but I did not expect him to steal my life while I am still alive. Can you feel my pain Banny boy? Can you feel my pain how much I suffer without him? Of course, you do. It is an okay boy; he is happy and safe but else we need it right. Sorry, I always end up talking about him. Don’t bite him. I mean it. Mommy doesn’t like it anybody hurting my bubby. I know you have a tendency to hurt who make your mommy cry.
I hope Ina boy keep you on the track. I want you to play with him. Don’t fight with him about mommy’s love. I love you guys both equally. Make a promise with me that you will listen to him. I know you have the capability to do the notorious things but don’t do anything in the absence of your mother though. He is also a little kid so love him as much you could do. Don’t steal his food either.
Don’t worry about me. The nasty Hooman kids take care of me nicely. They always give me a gift which always ends up a border collie doggy. The nasty hooman kids also love you too much. I know that you love them too but also recalls how much siblings rivalry you have with them. Even they were nice to you but you always thought of being my biological kid. You always thought you grabbed them from a garbage can. I confess with you that I kinda loved it when you used to bark at them . Don’t tell them. I know you have a tendency taking their side too.
I miss you a lot. I end up talking to you and dad all the time. I love you boy. Thanks for giving me happiness in my life. Sometimes I think to have another border collie just like you in my life so dad would come back too. I know that sometimes I act being crazy but you know better than me, how much I have loved him. No human believes it. Can you believe it my Banny boy?. I know you do. I don’t feel responsible explaining to any humans including him that how much I love him. But I owe you and God which you both already know it.
I am happy and want you to be happy. Of course, we will see each other soon with the desire of God. It is a circle of life which everybody has to finish it. Nobody could cross it or overpass it without the desire of God.
Have a wonderful day, Banny boy.
Your human mommy.
Love and regards.