I always heard that the deer has beautiful eyes, but I never have seen directly into the eyes of this beautiful creature of God until last winter. In my native country, I heard people comparing the beautiful girls’ eyes with the eyes of the deer. I love animals and birds. I think they have more humanity than the humans. My both kids have a dark huge black wide eye which was once described as a “Killer Eyes” by my friendly neighbor. My neighbor had joked many times to me, “I need to lock up my three girls inside the house when they would grow up”. Now she doesn’t have to worried about because I had moved to a different state. Of course, she was right because both my kids have beautiful eyes which I already have proud of being a mother. But my proud was gone the day I had seen the beautiful eyes of dying deer.
One crazy winter night, the heavy snow was falling and there was no visibility on the road. I was on my home driving back from my work around 3 am. Of course, the snow removal vehicles were not out cleaning the countryside road because they were so busy cleaning the city roads. Who should I blame now? The deer, who got his strength to run so fast? Should I blame almighty why he has given the deer so much power to run fast? Should I blame my karma that my love and life was snatched suddenly, so both my mind and brain was so stressed? I was so busy in my thoughts that I did not have a clue that the deer would come from nowhere. Or the dear had to die that night. Did he choose me to kill him? I often ask those questions from me.
The country road just a few yards away from my home, is not wide enough. I was not driving so fast because of the heavy snow and zero visibility. Suddenly I saw the dear ran from one side of the road crossing my car. He was too fast. He did not give me a chance to blink my eyes so how I could suddenly pressed the break of my vehicle. How dangers it could be when you suddenly pressed the break system of your car in frozen snow or while raining. Underneath the fresh snow, there was icy snow because the heavy snow was continued falling since past fourth days. The deer was so fast, but he still hit the one side of the front bumper. I think he had lost his life because he was just a few seconds late. It appeared the impact was so strong because one side of the front bumper was totally separated from its original place.
I saw him flowing toward the side of the road. I immediately stopped my car and dispatched 911 while reaching toward the deer. I was so nervous and was not making any sense to the dispatcher. She knew that my car had hit somebody which she was not sure if I said a human or a deer. I had made her confused by saying, “I think that I just killed somebody with my car”. She immediately placed the call to the police and firefighters. I could not tell them my location but of course, they have their way to find.
I could not wait for them. I found the deer still alive in the ditch. He was still moving but was not restless at all. He was lying on the ice while the snow was falling on the top. First, I thought good it might slow down the circulation which helps to prevent excessive bleeding. I held him in my lap and searched his body with my phone flashlight to find any blood. There was no blood on his body. I wrapped him with Michael Kore’s cashmere and wool-blend coat. While waiting for the cops to arrive, I put his head on my thigh. I started to comfort him. I started to cry and asked for sorry. I don’t know whether he was a boy or girl, but I called him, “Deer boy’ because I used to call my doggy, “Banny Boy”. He looked into my eyes. He looked very comfortable. I did massage his head and kissed multiple times his cheeks while saying, “I am so sorry boy. I did not see you at all. Please forgive me. I just lost my Banny boy a few months back, and I just lost my loving hubby bubby. Please forgive me, I am not in my sense because I have lost everything you can imagine I owned and loved. Don’t die, please. Wait for the help”.
Maybe God was busy saving someone else. The cops and ambulance also reached late due to snow. Or it was really his time to go. Or I supposed to be his reason. So, the deer with the beautiful eyes had taken his last breath in my laps. The firefighters, ambulance crew, and the cop had arrived after the beautiful creature had gone to the almighty. The young cop who is very well known to me started to laugh hysterically when he saw me crying for the dead deer. Well, they did not mind making jokes either. One of them said, “do you want him to go in your emergency room?” while another said, “Oh you might know who is the neurosurgeon and trauma surgeon on-call today, so call them when we taking him to your department, he might need a couple of surgeries”. I kissed the deer again and told him, “say hi to my Banny and Inayat Boys. I am a really sorry boy if you them in the heaven”.
I left the scene after calling the emergency crew, “Cruel and Bad People”. All of them knows me very well. Then suddenly they realized that their sense of humor did not help me at all. The young cop said, “Hey doc, you go home and get some rest. It is outa very cold here. You might go to work in the morning”. He sensed my question, “I am calling the animal emergency services”. I did not want to leave the beautiful deer dead all night long in the minus degree temperature”.
After ten minutes, my doorbell rang, and the young cop was on my doorstep holding my coat. He told me that the animal emergency services came to pick up the deer. He also provided me their number to follow up. I know the young cop was just trying to comfort me. He knew me well. Many times he came to rescue me when my car went into a ditch due to snow. He knew how I might be feeling. The person who spent her all night saving lives has just killed accidentally a beautiful creature. I filled his coffee mug and reminded him, “Officer, I will be fine. Please help other needy people on the road”.
My daughter took my coat to the cleaner for dry cleaning which arrived after one week but the coat is still in the downstairs room. I don’t mind reusing this winter because the beautiful deer had taken last breath in the coat. Of course, both my kids also laughed the next day looking at my car. It happened last winter and we are bracing ourselves for coming winter now. Often, the beautiful eyes and his comfortable face come in front of me. I could not say anymore that I have not killed an animal. Maybe it was God’s desire. However, I will never forget those beautiful eyes and the soft touch of his face and head.
I called and continue to call him, “boy” but it was so dark even I did not know whether the deer was a girl or boy. However, I know he was a beautiful creature which was created by almighty, and human had called him, “a deer”.
He often comes in my prayer now, “ God, please rest him in the peace. Make him an angel as you have done with my Ina and Banny boy. Please let him join me as an angel too even I was the one who sent him to heaven”. It also raise question in my mind who was a hunter in my family because two horns of dears are still in my ancestor’s living room kept as a “show piece”. I wish to remove them immediately but I don’t have any communication with my left over distant family.
God Bless his beautiful soul.