There is no desire left. The mind become suddenly so sad. It won’t take a minute when suddenly her lifelong pain would become so intense again. No options or choices left. She never cursed or thought bad about anybody but now she does when the pain becomes intolerable. Nobody is anybody. Just it is the game of karma. The meaning of life has become useless. God has become silent. People have become selfish. She is tired and exhausted. She completely lost. Her life has become miserable. Sometimes, she thinks if God really exists. Sometimes it comes into her mind that people have become selfish. The human becomes heavy on Almighty. Or Nobody has fear of almighty anymore. Why she continues to afraid of God. What she had done? then she suddenly remembers, “My fault is loving and trusting someone from the bottom of my heart”.
While working, her mind was so restless. Her tears were ready to flow anytime out. Her heart ached a lot. She felt so miserable. She just wanted to leave but she decided to suffer than leaving her responsibility. The responsibility of work had made her continue to work today. Well, the responsibility of her kid is the one who continues to keep her alive. She was at the same age when she was left alone to suffer. How she could leave her kid alone. Okay, she can suffer but not her kid. She was strong but not her kid.
After work, she ran toward her car. She had turned up the music and had started to scream. She called Almighty. She had done prayer to the God of different faiths and religion. Almighty had also become deaf and mute. Nobody was there to clean her tears. Nobody was there to hug her. She looked for parents but they were not either. Her pain had increasingly got so intense. She asked her God while screaming, “I miss my bubby, God. I want to see him, I want to talk to him. I am suffering God but you even don’t know how badly I am suffering without my bubby. I am helpless God, please come if you really exist. Wake up my bubby God and tell him somebody needs him. Tell him, God, your loving lady needs you. Can you make my bubby strong before I shatter more? God how many tests I need to take it more”. Only Sara knows or her God knows how much she is in pain.
Why love and connection are still there if her love is fake. Why she still suffers if her love was just an attraction. Why the intensity of her pain is still so strong? People say, “Sara move forward” but Sara asks, “how I could move forward leaving my soul behind. He is my soul”. She cried hysterically begging a God so she could see her man. Suddenly she called her family. She could not talk at all. She was continuing to saying, “I need my bubby. I miss him. I want to see him last time”. She did not know if somebody were able to understand her because she was crying and talking at the same time.
Unfortunately, nobody is willing to help her. People block her number because she always asks how is her bubby. People want to talk something else but she starts and ends up talking about bubby. People get bored easily from her and then they block her number. Even her bubby has blocked her number.
Yes, she has become lunatic. actually, who would pay the price? she doesn’t care anymore. All she says, “I need my bubby. I need to see my bubby”.
She prays, “God if you really exist, take their loves away who has taken mine. Give them the same pain as they have given me. This is the only way they would come to know how much I am suffering. How much I am in pain”
But next minutes, she prays again, “No, God. Please don’t listen to my first prayer. They are my own people. I will be still in the pain if they suffer. So why everybody has to suffer? So just let me suffer. Don’t give them pain. Please God keep them happy. Give me their pain and sadness. Give them my happiness”.
She is very fond of her bedroom window because there is lot of memories. She looks outside the window and smiles to see the beauty of nature. She thinks one day her happiness will return through the same window. She often waits for the train which she could also see through the same window. She thinks one day he will return home via train. She will make his favorite coffee while he will be counting the train compartments sitting by the same window.
Time will continue to pass which does not matter how.