What She Thinks Now

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Her daughter has grabbed her red-handed when she found her starring outside the window. The lovely daughter tells her mother, “I have my full empathy to see your sadness”. Mother has defended herself immediately, “No, I am not sad. I am just looking at the greenery. I love watching nature”. But her daughter has become very sharp recently to read and counsel her,” Really my lady. I thought your blog’s name is “The Reality and Reality”.
The mother looks at her daughter with a big and pride smile. Mother tells her daughter, “No, I am okay. I am not sad. Come over here and sit by me so we could chat”.
Both know well that their conversation will be less than 5 minutes because the mother will eventually find some show on the TV and will be quiet.
The daughter asks her mother, “Do you want to talk about Alphapha or about anything else”.
The mother smiles at her, “Oh, no, I will let you know if I need to talk”.
Her tears start shedding out of her eyes as her daughter has left the room. Then she smiles and gets happy, “I can hide my tears and pain again. This is a good thing. I don’t want anybody to see my tears anymore except myself and God”.
She thinks, “I am good without talking to anybody. I do talk with many people at my work so that is enough”
She has fears of losing people. She is fear of losing trust and faith. This is the reason that she does not like talking to her kids. There is a lack of sense of security in her mind. Her mind is not secure.
She looks around the room, “I am not alone. I have Almighty with me. I have two imaginary friends. I have my doggy boy and Inayat boy with me. I can talk to them whenever I want. They will never abandoned me”
She looks outside the window and she sees him standing in the backyard. She says slowly, “My hubby bubby is with me. He was right that he won’t be physically with me but his soul will be always around me”.
Then she read loudly from a paper clip which she has saved on her desktop which he had written to her long time ago, “If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me”.
She says while looking at the picture, “I don’t write to humiliate you. I don’t write to get attention. First, I have written so you could hate me because I was a puppet. Now I write to bring my feelings out because there will be no more Bubby or a human who I would like to talk without being bored. You were the only one who I could endlessly talk for hrs and hrs. I write again and again the same thing but can you imagine this is not even a fraction of my conversation which I talk with you in my mind. I always used to say that God me dementia but I know now that I will forget everything except one face and name. You are the first person who I have loved truly and of course, It will go to the graveyard with me. It has given me a permanent wound. You have given me a so much love that nobody has given me or will give me. However, you also have shattered me. You have given me pain which has no cure. You have broken my only one dream. No, I will never have peace in my life without you. My soul will be wandering restlessly to ask many questions,’ why you could not become a man to protect your love? Where was your courage gone when everybody humiliated your love? Why have you ruined her life? Why you continue to lie till the date. The truth and fire could not be hidden for a long time.”

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