Do you know who gives a person pain? The answer is very simple. Pain and non-healing wounds are given by those individuals who you most trust or love.
It was a busy day at work. More patients were sitting in the waiting area than inside the ED. She has wrapped her day with full confidence and strength. She was happy and smiling but her inner soul was telling her, “you don’t supposed to be laugh. You have no right to be happy”.
She drove home quietly. Both of her imaginary friends have tried talking to her but she just has sealed her lips.
Front seat friend asked, “what is bothering you”. However, both friends are known her very well.
Back seat friend tells the front seat friend, “she has sealed her lips so won’t expect she will not say a single word. She will talk to us when she feels ready to talk”.
The front-seat friend, “But I feel sorry for her. Don’t you think how she dies every day but still pretends to be happy”
The back-seat friend, “what we could do? She was born with this luck. She loves everybody from the bottom of her heart, then she gets hurt. Sometimes, I think the almighty should take her back now”.
Her imaginary friends has continued talking to each other but she has not spoken one single word.
As she parked her car in the garage, “you both are free to go now”
Both imaginary friends spoke at the same time, “Sara, you cannot do this. Outside is raining so heavy”.
She said in a hard tone, “yes, you guys could survive in any weather. Only human cannot tolerate unusual and unexpected weather”.
Sara has closed the garage door carefully. She has not put the teapot on the burner today. She went directly to her room. She is not hungry. She is worried about the safety of her bubby. She has not changed her clothes today. She just sits directly on the floor just underneath the picture of her Sikh Guru, and she closes her eyes to remember her Allah. She has received blessing from two almighty. She just closed her eyes and sit quietly. Today she is quiet. Today she doesn’t have any questions for them. She sits a few minutes silently under the shadow of two almighty. However, God already knows what is in her mind. Suddenly the tears start to flood out of her eyes. She has wiped her eyes, then she stands up to see outside the window. Her love of life smiles at her through the window. She also forward her hands toward the window to grab him. But her hands could not cross the heavy glass of the window. She realizes the reality when her hand struck with the window glass.
She has changed her clothes. She has not made any tea or her protein smoothie. She does not happy at all. She looks outside the window, and she saw her both imaginary friends are still there and they are busy talking to each other. She could not hear them, but she knows that their conversation is not friendly.
She sits on her bed when she suddenly gets the text message from her best friend, “I got his persona number”.
Sara, “Please don’t send me. I love him but I will not humiliate for him anymore. I am not interested to talk with him” .
Then she thinks in her mind, “You don’t how much my bubby have to suffer if somebody knows I have contacted him. I don’t want him to be suffer more because the stringer have already won the game”
However, the friend who claims to be a brave man still sent her bubby’s number. But she has deleted it immediately without looking at the number. Hunting race is over a long time ago. Her bubby knows well that she is very stubborn. She will die loving him but never will talk to him.
All past came up in her mind. She remembers her bad days. She remembers how everybody humiliated her because she has spoken reality. Her bubby was failed to understand her. He has become bewafa. Sara said, “I am not the God. The great almighty will decide her future. The great almighty will decide the punishment for him. I am living right now to see the day when almighty will serve the justice”
Yes, she loves him. She hides her tears behind her smile. But pain is fresh. The wounds are old but non-healed. Nobody is there to hold her, “Sara, I am here for you”.
Why her family member has sent bubby’s personal number. It hurts her feeling again. Why her family member doesn’t dare to ask her killer why he had ruined her life. Why he doesn’t dare to ask her bubby, “You have ended her life. Why he could not ask him that why you just did not shoot her. You saw her in agony”. Unfortunately, I was not his real family member so why somebody asks senior officer any questions. Only her mother and Abu could have asked those questions but they are in the heaven.
She opens the front door and invites her friends first time inside of her house.
First friend (front seat passenger) asks her, “do you want to talk”
She could not speak because her voice is stuck in her throat. The flood of tears come out of her eyes.
She tells her both friends, “I feel orphan again today. Do you think almighty ever send somebody who will have the courage?”.
Both imaginary friends have given her a blank and answer less look. She opens her window. She could see standing him in the middle of the backyard. Her bubby says, “you have to understand”. She waves her hands in the gesture of goodbye. But she could not say, “Bubby, how about me. Can you understand me and my situation” .
Why she need his personal phone number? She writes on the blogs to convey him a message that, “how you have killed your love. You should shoot me instead of abandoning me. I wish you could put my shoe and just walk for 10 minutes”.
Of course, God will listen to her silent prayer one day.
Her wounds are getting old day by day but the pain is in the same intensity. The wounds will never be healed because it was a gift of her soul husband. The wound on her soul will be always fresh.
She takes some few sleeping pills.
“only God knows if the sleeping pills or her endless crying would help her to sleep. Eventually, she will sleep and wake up. She has become less human and machine more”.