The Hardest and Toughest Decision

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Her entire life was a challenge for her. Each step of her life was full of an tests and challenges. As her Almighty has forgotten to distribute those tests to the entire world so he just continues assigning to her only. One of her friends said, “God knows how much he could stretch somebody so that is why God always continues to give her tough time”. Thanks, both to the friend and God, “I am a human being so mercy on me”.

She had made many tough and hard decision in her life. However, two decision has left a permanent print on her brain. She says, “I always wish to have dementia so I could forget whatever happened in my life. Even I get dementia or Alzheimer but one face and name will never be wiped out of my memory”. She has realized recently about that. That particular name and face will go with her to the graveyard and she doesn’t mind taking it to the graveyard.

The hardest and toughest decision she had made on 09/26/2018. However, she was not alone at that time. Somebody was with her all the time as her support. She did postpone her decision many times. She had become selfish, which she doesn’t hesitate to admit it now. The hardest decision was to put her four-legged son into a permanent sleep. She knew that her furry son was suffering in the pain. But she felt as she is taking her biological son to euthanize. She was in a dilemma.

He was her companion for the last 12-13 years. How she could kill him now? It was the toughest day for her. But her furry son staring at her, “Mum, it is a time for me to go. I am in a pain”. However, her guts were telling her that her life will turn upside down as her furry son’s soul will depart the body. Her guts were true as usual. She thoughts, “Am I a selfish person? Her guts said again, “No, you are not. You are born to sacrifice. Remember so far what you did in your life. You sacrificed everything. Why are you having a hard time now? You need to end the misery of your furry son”.

This was her first most challengeable decision but she was able to do it because her other three thieves were supporting her both her. Yes, she had taken him to the vet where he was euthanized while she was holding him so close to her heart. She was given time to spend with him. Does she regret her decision?” No, I don’t regret even it was the toughest decision of my life but it was best for my beloved four-legged son. He did not have to live in pain or misery due to my selfishness”.

A week from now, he will be gone for 10 months but he still lives with her. He continues to follow his mother in her dreams. The furry son has not forgotten his job taking care of his mother even he died. Almost 10 months have gone, but she is not ready to replace him with any another four-legged because she still misses him. Often, she thinks, “Am I ready to replace my Banny boy’s love to another furry son. No, I am not ready yet”.

He is long gone but she still calls him as she enters her house. She smiles as she remembers that her boy is not anymore live in this house but she could feel his soul wandering around her. Looking at his ashes on the fireplace, she often says, “I am the sorry son. I did not have any choices. I did not want to see you in the misery because of my love for you. I had chosen to let you go because I am not a selfish mother who would keep her son alive because of her loneliness. I miss to hug you. I miss to give you multiple kisses on your foreheads and cheek”.

She never forgets to tell him, “your mother feels alone now. Your father is not good anymore. He let your mum cry. Don’t forget to bite him”. She cleans her tears while smiling. It was a tough decision to euthanize him but she does not regret it. Her life is not the same way as it was before his death.

The second decision of life was not only tough but was also impossible. However, her principle of life, “nothing is impossible” helped her to make the toughest and hardest ever decision of her life. Exactly two months after euthanized her doggy boy, she had to let her love of life go away. It was not a simple decision. It was like cutting her soul or body part and make it two separate pieces of it. However, the bravo’s norm, “nothing impossible” helped her to make a decision. This time she was alone without anybody’s help. She was a puppet and her string were in somebody’ s else a hand. She thought, “well, I am a tornado. Anybody came in my life get destroyed by a demon who lives inside of me? I love him. It is okay if he would hate me but at least he will be happier ever person. He will be safe. My bad karma won’t influence his life. I must create hate in his mind”.

So, she has allowed the other person to pull the string and she had become a puppet player of this diplomacy war. Again, she lost the man whom she loves a lot. Yes, she is regret that he had become mute instead of fighting back and findings the truth. Instead of knowing the reality, he decided to abandoned her. She regret making that decision? No, she doesn’t regret making that decision. There are too many reasons she doesn’t regret. One she has succeeded in her mission. Secondly, he is happy without her. Thirdly, her bad karma won’t influence him anymore. With her decision, many realities came into her knowledge. Fourth, There is no place of coward person in her life. She love the bravos not the cowards. She loves the reality of life. Her decision has taken complete control of her life but she has succeeded.

She thinks, “I did it. I don’t regret making this decision. I did it to save my love. I did it for his freedom. I don’t regret even it was the toughest and the hardest decision of my life but I did it. I did it righteously. Nobody points a finger to me. I have freed my two thieves”.

Both have gone long enough. She has fallen many times, but she continues to get up and fight back. Often, she looks at her Almighty, and ask, “Do you think I have done something wrong”. No, she had not done anything wrong. She had made the right decision on the right time even she was not willing to do it. Almost nine has gone. In the past nine months, she did struggles and continue to struggle. Sometimes it takes a toll on her, but she continues to get up and fight with her demons.

However, the person who had pulled the string was forgotten that her puppet won’t be quiet for long times. This puppet (her) has a bad point to see how much people could go down for their selfishness. The stringer of this reality show has forgotten that the puppet will bring the reality back. The stringer also forgets nobody could cage this puppet for a long time with fakism. The stringer has forgotten that this puppet carries the legacy of some good souls. Well, at least somebody has gotten something.

As times have gone, many people came forward to support her. Many want to be part of her life. Many have shown interest to be a permanent part of her life. She looks inside her heart and says, “Somebody still lives inside of me. The place is very crowdy and there is no place for somebody else”. She tried to fill the space but she could not. Wow, people still love her even they know she loves somebody else. However, neither she could replace her furry boy nor her soul cum coward lover. The reason is very clear that she loves all of her thieves a lot even they are gone long and they are unreachable. Well, she has learned the difficult way how to live without her thieves.

She remembers what he used to say, “our souls will be always together. The distance does not matter. My love will remain the same for you. I will be always with you. It does not matter if we never meet in life again”. He was right. The distance and time and all this humiliation have not taken her away from him. She still feels his soul connected to her. She still feels that he is around her.

Many people did not agree with her but she does what she believes and thinks. Both of her thieves are long gone but their souls still wander around her. Neither she is ready to replace her Banny boy or her coward soul husband.

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