I am off from my work for five days in rows which is unusual for me. Outside weather is not in my favor which includes raining, thundering, and lots of humidity. In other words, I have to blame something not to leave the house. My daughter said, “you always find a good excuse so you don’t have to leave the house”. Her statement is 100% right. However, I enjoy this lone life. Everybody enjoys their life different way. Somebody goes to the beach while others like going to snowboarding or surfing. Everybody has his or her hobbies. The person enjoys or loves what they do which is good for them. They get so excited about their oncoming vacation. Even they came back tired from their vacation but they still say, “Oh, it was a wonderful experience and wish to do the same in the future”.
I do the same thing. I never say, “Oh, I am bored sitting at home”. My schedule will be so light for the next couple of months. I will be working only 11 days a month until I am fully credentialed to work at my new facility. My daughter who thinks she is grown up overnight has reserved the vacation with her cousin to France next month. She told me after she paid off everything and not to mention that everything is non-refundable. Therefore, there is no choice left for me to follow them. I am not going to France to enjoy myself instead I am going to babysit two adults. Hmm, I am an overprotective mother. Or I am not ready to lose my another thieve. My beautiful daughter has turned 18 already but she still looks 13 years old. I doubt she is ready to face the world alone. I think she is not ready but she thinks she is ready to face the reality of this world. Am I acting like a typical parent who thinks their children will never grow up?
She is a wonderful girl. However, I am feared. Am I overthinking? Or Am I scared that she won’t get hurt as I did? So, I am a confused parent who may use some advice? I have given her full freedom and she obeys all the rules and she is a very good student. I get afraid when she tells me how she plans her life. Her goals of life are very clear, specific, and attainable. I am not worried about her goals. I am worried about what is missing in her bucket goals. It makes me feel that my own life has significantly influenced her life. Or I have just become paranoid.
Honestly, I enjoy going to one place on this earth. That is my favorite place on the earth which is full of nature, known as paradise on the earth. It is not heaven anymore because of the political and religion greed of certain people has turned this beautiful place to a hell zone who just ask blood and lives, and of course sacrifice. However, Home is home and you always feel safe in your home. My daughter is not agreed with this. She calls my life is so boring. She won’t hesitate to say, “you are just passing your time. You are keeping yourself alive for only us. Can you live your life at least once?”. Somehow, she is right on this point. I try to tell her that, “I am very happy in my life the way I live and I enjoy it”. But she doesn’t feel this way. My views are modern and I am not conservative. But I don’t enjoy going to clubs, dating the guys, or going to beaches, or attending the parties. I enjoy my life a different way which is not “enjoying” per her dictionary. We both share everything. Of course, she is the ice breaker. She asks directly if I miss him. First, I used to lie to her but now I tell her the reality. She was not very happy when she heard that I won’t be writing on the blog about my feelings. She was concerned.
She has shown a mature behavior when I had become a little child. But now I am back on my feet again and start to think all these parent issues, which often make me feel weird. Should I allow her to go solo with her cousin? Or should I have to force myself to take a vacation before my vacation? Or I am struggling with a generational gap? Or I am not able to keep it up with my rapidly growing children.