Sara tells with her own experience, “The fight with darkness is not easy when you are alone. Sometimes. you need to fight your battle solo which is hard but not impossible. Often people lose the battle when they stop to look if someone comes to help them. Your battle is your own. Nobody has nothing to do with your battle because people have become selfish. You start to love the person, which make you to the addict, they will leave you alone to suffer. Humanity has already run away from this planet due to selfishness. Your battle could be a great story for others, but you are the one who needs to fight. So, don’t wait for someone to come to join you. You need to make your own path. You need to walk along the journey of darkness. The people have lost empathy and sympathy expect few still owns so respect those people. People come to help only when a fire starts to burn their own house. So, protect yourself and you can win any battle solo with your confidence. Listen to everybody but do what your brain tells you to do it”.
Sara always fought the battle against the darkness alone. She always ends up being a winner. This time she just slows down for her loved one to join the battle with her. However, Ahmed is a coward person and did not have the courage to protect her. That was the reason which has made Sara lose the battle. The doctor has diagnosed her with PTSD syndrome and major depressive disorders. Sara doesn’t admit that she is born with the clouds of darkness which had caused the destruction. Sara thinks it is man-made darkness which is caused by her coward lover.
Ahmed told her to wait and he will join her soon, but it was just a lie. Sara thinks he is the biggest liar I ever have met. He is a perfect liar and a coward. Unfortunately, he is her love. After he had abandoned and betrayed her, Sara has suffered from two personalities, in which one has loved Ahmed while others hated him. She was the one who came in the middle of two personalities. It was very important for her to fight and at least kill one of her personalities. Two different personalities have caused a lot of destruction. It is always easy to fight with somebody else but hard when you need to fight with your own demons. The person could be a loser for a while but not for a long time. Your dignity, morality, and qualities could be hidden for a while, but eventually, the reality of you will come back. So, Sara’s strength was gone for a while, which she continues working hard to get it back. Sara alone killed one of her personality which make her improve her mental status significantly. Your reality is just like a fire which could not be hidden forever, “she always told Ahmed”.
Sara doesn’t hesitate to share how many times she did try to harm herself which include overdosing her and cutting herself. Sara had chosen the risky behavior. She did not mind driving to the areas where people get killed or robbed for nothing. However, the people have loved in that side of the world too because she had once saved many lives without thinking if they were criminal or who. She had refused to eat. In other words, she did everything to harm herself. Many times, she did it to forget her emotional pain and sometimes she did it to end her life. Her risky behavior was ended when she starts sharing her feelings on the blog. Sara did hide her culprit in the past. Her thinking is changed this time. Sara said, “Why I have to protect my culprit? I hid my culprit in the past which had done a lot of damage to me. I am good being a rebel than being loyal. I do not want that love which comes with the cost of someone blood and tears”. Some sweet people tried to kill me. They did what they could do to remove me. However, they did not know it would fall back on them. Their cleverness has taught me to expose them. Sara said her killers were exposed and were caught on the video and phone calls because they did not know Sara has learned many things while working on a classified job, so those co-workers had come forward to help her out. They were right because Sara was not the one who was tapping the phone calls including encrypted one on the WhatsApp.
Sara has suffered from both audio-visual hallucination because she was so stressed, and her brain was so numb. Everything was continuing to store inside of the brain. The human brain has a very limited capacity, so it always comes out. Sara said she suffered many times with physical injuries falling from the stairs multiple times when she used to get hallucination. It has been controlled with the practice. Sara still gets hallucination Ahmed’s presence. Sara still sees him with her open and closed eyes but those were the memories of him. The memories she could see a picture.
The new emotional traumatic injury has brought Sara’s old memories back which she starts sharing with others. Sara admits the sharing your feeling help you to heal inside to outside. Don’t hide your feelings due to social stigma or being disloyal to your love. Think about what people have done to you. Why you are afraid of those social stigmas? Why you want to be loyal who has shattered you in uncountable pieces. Loving some is not sin and it could happen at any age. The sin is when you don’t keep your promise to protect your love. Sin is when people become coward just like my Ahmed. Your culprit doesn’t need your loyalty. Your culprit doesn’t deserve your love. Sara says, “do I hate him? Do I love him? No doubt He is my love which I will never forget until my last breath. But I don’t have any respect for him”.
Sara says proudly, “My little daughter has given me the strength to live. First, I thought she is my responsibility for a certain age, but I was wrong. Instead of taking care of her, she took care of me. It was hard for me to leave her at the same age where I had become orphan once. I have changed my mind after I have seen myself in her. Her same silly and innocent behavior have taken me 27 years back. The same age when I had become a rebel. Who would protect her? I have given her birth, so it is my responsibility. The same little girl once Ahmed used to call her, “my daughter”.
Ahmed has called her daughter many times, “my innocent daughter”. Now Ahmed is the one who has made orphan her. Sara’s daughter is an innocent child who is not exposed to the rest of the world either. Sara keep her both children away from her. Fear is still there. Fear of betrayal has made a permanent house inside of her. So, Sara helps her children from the distance. They are not weak children, but I am their strength, so I must be strong for them.
Sara learns every day getting her strength and dignity back. Sara has begged for her love everywhere which had given her only humiliation. Many people have made fun of her. Sara has tolerated only for her love which has caused many emotional injuries to her. People are so selfish out there. Nobody would come to help you without any greed. Many would take disadvantages of you. So, don’t let yourself in the same position. I appreciate the local journalist who always has given me hope but unfortunately, I am failed to help him out. I wish that I could help him. However, I am scared that my sinner will make him a victim.
Some people used many harsh words, and some has just insulted her directly. Sara recalls everything. Sara faces those realistic words every day. She has written all those words on her personal diary which she read once a while, so she won’t forget in the future. Sara won’t get upset or angry after reading but just smiles back. Her smiles ask many unanswered questions. Sara has forgiven everybody expects Ahmed. Sara neither forget him nor will forgive him. He is my sinner and coward love. He is responsible to destroy my future. He is the one who kept me away from my country and the dream place of my father.
Sara thinks people lie when it comes to God. Why everybody is in the race to tell my God is superior to others. Humanity is a God who lives inside of the human itself. Why are you finding God somewhere else? The funniest thing was people did not hesitate to tell me which my country and religion is.
Sara’s tears and fears both have become a permanent part of her life which nobody could change it. Sara doesn’t keep hopes on anybody. Sara once became a survivor of war on religion, then from domestic abuse and now the abandoned and betrayal of her love. Sara is determined to become a survivor again in this battle You saluted her being a survivor in the past. Ahmed are you ready to salute her again? Sara asks many questions from Ahmed every day which she will continue for the rest of her life. She asks Ahmed, “I could talk to my father freely and proudly. Can you Ahmed face your father? Are you going to tell him how you abandoned your love? Are you going to tell him how you destroyed the woman who loves you? Are you going to talk to your father how many sins you have done? How much corruption you have done? How many innocent people suffered because of your actions? Will you share with your father who is paying for your sins? Actually, Sara came in your life to pay for your sins.
Ahmed has bought many dresses and bangles to her which she has put into a box and tapped it nicely and locked the box into her basement. Sara doesn’t know if he paid it for that stuff or not. She can’t wear those until she knows the reality. Sara says, “I don’t like to use anything which is bought with the corrupt money. I will donate those dresses. I don’t want to be part of the corrupt money. I never knew about this until now. I was never exposed to the world, so how I was going to know. I did ask once how corruption is a simple thing in India. He totally refused. I never asked his source of income because that was not in my interest. His wealth was never important to me. The important was my love and feelings which is already snatched from me. I could work extra if I need anything. I never bought a thing if I could not afford it. I was just in indeed of one thing which was his love. I begged from everybody, but nobody has tried to help me out, so I have stopped asking. Well, all this makes sense now”.
In the end, Sara says, “the person shows his or her reality at the end. I am proud of being following my father’s footsteps”. Ahmed was upset with me why I share with Seema Di about our relationship and then our marriage plan. I had respected the woman being a woman, but she did not care either. I called her sister, but she has started to play games with me. I have forgiven her. Only thing I could not forget about her. I requested her to be with Ahmed that weekends because I was worry about his well-being but her response totally disappointed and surprised me. She said, “I have a lot of things to do at my workplace so I will see when I could make it see him”. The woman’s husband suffers what she cannot be with her husband who was needed her most. Yes, his abandoned love whose job was also very important, but she took the next flight from the East to West to be with him. God knows what the reality is.
Ahmed is happy in her life. He did not lose anything in this play game. Sara had nothing to lose now but she regrets only one thing that my country and my valley have taken anyway from me. Sara has to continue fighting her battle with her own demons, her culprit, and her darkness rest of her life. Nobody has doubt Sara once again will be the winner because she is born to fight and win.