It had been a long time since you were gone. Often, I had written you many letters and posted all of those letters. As you know, I always have a unique way to do certain things. So, I never was able to find a postman who could deliver my letters in heaven, so I mailed all my letters by making its boats and sailed into the lake. I am not sure if you were able to get those. This letter, I will publish it on the blog site because I don’t like to leave the house. The Fox River is only a few miles away, but I don’t want to leave my self-made prison. I need to talk with you a lot. My heart is full of many things.
I want to let you that I am still your little silly girl even I am a mother now. I still call you Abu instead of your real name. I did have a hard time to pronounce the names, so I had chosen to call you Abu that time.
Ahmed has hurt me so badly. He has killed my soul. I don’t want to call him by his first name, “Altaf” so I call him by his middle name Ahmed. Abu, please forgive me because I let Ahmed to compare with you. You had never abandoned me. You had always protected me until you died. You were my teacher who helped me to do my homework. You had guided me many times to do the right things. Many people said you were my puppy love even I did not know what is the definition of love that time. You, Ahmed, and I know who my first love is. Abu doesn’t try to laugh and make fun of me after reading that the coward and corrupt Ahmed is my first love. He always tries to become you, but he never succeeded. He is always jealous of you, which I loved it. Nobody could compete with you. You were going to teach him a lesson for his sins without any doubt. How dares he hurt the feeling of your silly little girl. Wait for me both of us will teach him a lesson as I join you. I don’t want Ahmed calling me anymore,” Munna”. He is not a good man anymore. Both I and you will beat him together for making me endlessly cry. There is one problem because I doubt God will send him to heaven because of sins. So, we need a perfect plan. You have to promise me not to tell my mother, father, and uncle about our plan.
Oh, you never answered me when I asked many times why the hick your post was middle of nowhere. I am still angry with you about that even I found out from a brigadier uncle later why your presence was important in that place. He told me to seal my lips so I will not talk about that anymore, but you should know that I know your secret. Anyway, I am very proud of you. You did your job what you supposed to do. My Ahmed is not good for doing his job. I am very disappointed. He is corrupt which I did not know. I swear to God Abu, I thought he is just like you. Why one Khan is different from others. However, I have proof of him.
As you know, I had met you only whenever I left my home. I thought everybody is just like you. However, I was wrong. People are so selfish nowadays. I don’t know what is continued changing them. Technology or science has controlled both human’s brain, emotions, and mind. Many external forces are responsible for changing the human. Only a few people have left in this planet who still possesses humanity. I doubt myself if any humanity left inside of me because of his sins. My Ahmed is a perfect devil on the earth. I have met different types of characters when I stepped out of my house to find Ahmed. Abu, please try to forgive me for disobeying your order. I remember you always told me, “Go home. Stay inside and be safe”. But I was really indeed to find Ahmed, so I have to leave the house for a while but now I am already back in my comfort zone.
I need to share many sad and funny stories about the people how they think and behave. Everybody thinks he or she is the only perfect person or human on this earth. Everybody thinks they act for humanity which is not true at all. They need to interrogate their own soul to find the answer why they are delusional. They might already know but has covered their actions with the name of humanity. There are still many good people. I have met very nice people, but others see them just as “things”. The people who still possess humanity, are known as poor people, insane people, stupid people, honest people, and with many other names which I already forget.
Abu, I want to tell you that you were the true Muslim who helped many people without knowing their religion. You had protected everyone without asking if they were Muslim or not. You loved everybody. You had loved and adored this silly woman. I loved watching you when you offered Namaz. I wanted to do the prayer with you, but you always told me that I am still a child so need to grow more to make the decision. I still want to do the same thing but Abu, unfortunately, nobody is there to teach me. So, I will hold on to my next life so you could teach me. I really want to learn from my Abu because all the others are not good anymore. People claim being a good or true Muslim, but they are more radicalized. They tell me what is wrong or right but I advise them to read the Quran again and interpret the real meaning of the teaching of the Quran. Those people think that Islam belongs to them only. So, Abu, I have done as you know what I should have done. I told them to keep it to yourself. I fought with them. I am sorry Abu for still having a habit fighting with others for little things. Why I have not changed as others did. I cannot take it when people talks bullshit.
People call me an insane, but I give them my beautiful smile back. My smile asks many questions from those intelligent people. Unfortunately, the ego and proud has made them blind and deaf so they have failed to understand those questions. Anyway, it is the end of humanity. The devils are everywhere in the different form of a human. People are not as innocent as they used to.
Abu, had you noticed if I ever felt alone in my life? Did you ever notice if I talked about having at least one brother? Recently, I do feel alone and miss not having a brother. I should have one brother so he would ask questions from Ahmed and make him pay for his sins. Oh, forget to tell you, Abu, I have met a godbrother. He always called me a sister which I loved it. How siblings fight with each other, so I loved fighting with my God brother. His name was also Abu. Can you believe it? He did help me a lot. He taught me many things. But he never trusted me because he thought I could be a spy which he was wrong. I did not tell you either about him because I thought you won’t like it. I did tell my godbrother about you though, but I never mentioned him about your job. I have become selfish to lose my brother, so I never mentioned him about your job. The brother was so important to me. Ahmed has betrayed and abandoned me, so my godbrother was my only family. However, he had to go which I respect it. I will say proudly that my godbrother was the only one I met during my crisis who was not selfish. He was the only one who never wanted anything from me. He always wanted to help me. But he had to go and I have not stopped him because being a sister it was my responsibility to protect my brother’s ethics and morality. Abu, you know me very well that I don’t hesitate to speak the truth because the silly girl still lives inside of me. I will proudly say about my godbrother that, “people of my own country have failed to provide justice and support to me. I was sent back to the western world with tears only. The enemy of my country, “my godbrother” who serve the other side of the border came forward to clean my tears. The shame of those who say they are Indian. Nope, they are the corrupt and culprit”. Abu, you fought and died on this side of the border while he is the warrior of another side. But both of you possess the same value and principle of life and Islam so I salute both of you. Being belong to two different nations don’t have any value, but valuable is the principle of life, islam, and humanity which both of you possessed it.
Abu, please keep my parents informed that her daughter is doing good. Tell them that their silly daughter was down for a while but with your blessing, she has learned how to stand on her own feet. Please tell them, Ahmed has taken her dignity away from her but start to follow your principles again. I know Abu my mother doesn’t like you but take care of her. As you know she is a very nice and smart woman but sometimes she thinks you brought the darkness in my life which is not true. That is not her fault because she had loved her daughter so much. She already paid the price of her wrongfulness, so please take care of her now. Be nice to my mother. Don’t become a partner with my dad to give her a hard time. But be careful, my father loves my mother a lot.
Abu, you might already meet my both boys in heaven. Take care of them too. Don’t make fun of me again. I know you love to make fun of me in the old times. My doggy is my favorite boy who always loves wondering with Inayat boy. Take care of them. Both come often to visit me in my dreams so you can always communicate through them. Don’t hate Inayat because he was Ahmed’s son. Actually, he is mine so love and adore him as you did to me. He always comes to play with me. I know you get along well with my uncle. So let him know his Toomba is getting strong again. I miss you guys a lot.
I have many things to share but the letter is getting lengthy. I really want to share one thing before I mail to you. Don’t laugh though until I come over there. We will laugh together. I want to tell you how Ahmed become a billy, the wet cat. I can still picture of him. I never seen a man so scared of a woman as he was. Anyway, I wish to join you guys now, but I need to do some couple of things on the earth. Abu, as you know nobody knows what God’s desire is. Oh, I have also met someone who reminds of you, but I call him my boring old wise man. I don’t talk to him because he is being him. I remember once you told me, “let others what they want to be”.
I will wait for your response. Love you forever.
Regard and Love
Your little silly girl