She Meltdown Again

Sara suddenly woke up screaming in the middle of the night. In her half sleep, she heard Ahmed’s voice, so she ran downstairs to open the door. She thought Ahmed came to give her a surprise visit. She woke when her feet slipped from the stairs, but she still managed to open the door. Of course, nobody was at her door. Ahmed has not arrived and of course, he will never come. Sara woke up again with multiple bruises on her neck and head. She did not have the capacity to go back up in the room. She just sat down just below her father’s picture. Sara hysterically cried and asked her father, “Please dad call you daughter. I don’t want to live anymore. I am so tired and exhausted. I am hurting why you and mum not calling me back. I need you guys”. Sara continued to cry until her tears were dried up. Sara did not know herself how long she sat there. Sara often gets bad nightmares and sometimes she just wakes up screaming his name.
Ahmed has shattered her life completely. He has given her life which is worse than death. Sara often looks toward the roof and ask God why you don’t come to help me. Sara thinks the God is invisible but only God could see and hear her. Sara calls Ahmed as a person with a dark soul. Sometimes, she feels somebody has shaken her shoulder while she tries to sleep. Often Sara wakes up screaming. She feels her entire body jump up on the bed. Sara thinks Ahmed is a coward and untrustworthy, but she cannot do anything. She still gets surprised when she remembers how much he used to love her and adore her. Sara’s mind and brain are full of many questions. Sara knows well there is no answer to her questions. Sara cannot live and she cannot die either. Living behind the curtains has reduced her anxiety level but has not solved many questions.
Sara doesn’t trust her own children anymore. She doesn’t know when she saw them last times. She doesn’t trust them either. Sara said, “I have trusted Ahmed more than a God and he betrayed me. He abandoned me while he knew it that I will not able to live without him”. She tells Ahmed, “come and see me how I live and what type of life you have given me”. Her tears are uncontrollable today. She doesn’t expect anybody to clean her tears. Sara says, “this is my life long battle and I have to learn how to fight alone”.
Sara wonders how Ahmed sleep or recite his prayer or eat while the love of his life is continuing to suffer. Sara thinks, “well he ever thinks about me. Can you blame me expressing myself on the media? Who is responsible for this condition? “
Sara is very restless again. She continues calling her parents for help. She knows her parents won’t come. She shook her shoulders and said, “I don’t know who I really should call but I need to talk. Nope, I won’t talk to anybody else because the people are not good. They are just mean and bad as my bubby is”.
Even Sara knows nothing could be done. She knows she won’t see him in life again. Sara said, “I know he will come to do my burial”. Both time and medications are not helping Sara. The wounds are still fresh. She has a hard time to understand why Ahmed has a black soul. Why I could not see it before. I never knew my bubby could be like this”. Sometimes, still, come in her mind that he is being blackmailed. He has pushed to destroy Sara.
Sara scares to sleep because of the nightmares, so all night she just sits uselessly. But this is not the end yet.

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