What about that life which is taken away from Sara? Once she took the dream of being with him which he snatched away from her. Now she thinks sitting inside of her self-made prison where is he who has made millions promise with her. Sara thinks Ahmed has lost his self-dignity And self-respect. She is surprised at how he has become dumb. Sara thinks life always plays with her or she let life play to her.
Sara thinks, “My life has changed significantly which nobody has doubt. Both I and Ahmed knew how it would impact on me if something happens to him. I used to tell him that I will be their for our daughters and Di but I never used to ask who would be there for me in case he is gone from my life”.
Sara has passed her psychological evaluation which was done today if she is capable of working in the high-stress environment. Sara said, “it was a little scary though. Sitting in front of the panel of three specialists was not very comfortable in the beginning. I was not asked any direct question relating to Ahmed but I was asked many indirect questions which were related to my this life-changing event. I was surprised to hear when I was given a green signal”.
However, she is not excited about going back to work either. Sara won’t go back to her old job which was taken away from her due to Ahmed’s interference. Sara doesn’t feel comfortable going back to the familiar faces. She doesn’t want to hear everyone asking about Ahmed every day. The name of the person once has given a brightness in her eyes, has given permanent tears so rather she will live away from the environment.
Sara’s life has stopped. She will do either laundry or she will never fold it. She never cares if her kitchen is clean or the dishes are dirty. Sara has not opened her luggage which is still in the same place since she went to visit him. Sara continues avoiding social gatherings and family functions. She was not a party type person but certain functions she had to attend but not marry. She really don’t care what people thinks or says.
However, most important which she continues to decline is to face her children. No doubt Sara love them a lot. Sara has a fear to hurt again. She thinks that she is not being lucky so she wants to keep this distance. Sara doesn’t have an answer if they ask what happen to her most trustable and loving man whom she waited for her entire life. They might already know what is going on but don’t want to hurt mother. One day they will understand why their mother put the distance between them and herself.
Sara thinks what is my life behind the curtains which is given by my loved one. Sara makes fun of herself by saying,” I could be a very good house prisoner”.Sara doesn’t feel alone in the house. There is a lot of memories of her and him in this house. She could feel his presence. Sara remembers exactly her first and last meeting with Ahmed. She said, ” He was sitting on the chair on the left side in the room and try to convince me to lie. I remember his face which was not there for me. He was there to protect himself. Yep, he is a brilliant and intelligent cop who knows what he is doing, I remember shivering in with the fear of not ever seeing him again but he did not care. I was surprized to see his new behavior. I have not seen any men in my life so fearful”.
Sara remember when he told her, ” lady control yourself. I want you to stop crying and start taking care of yourself”. Sara told him, ” I need you. Without you I wont be able to control myself. I will be never the same”. He did not care and he left. Sara said, ” I was told to heal my own so I am trying my best. I wish not to have anybody’s help for anything. God will help me. I will heal myself with the help of my God who live inside of me. He always come to rescue me”. Sara’s tears came both in her eyes and voice as she said.
People fell in love. They get separated and time heals them. This is not some type of physical relationship. It is more emotional. There is no cure for this separation. No therapy, no drugs, no medicine, and of course no time.
Sara talks to Ahmed through this message, ” Bubby I could not replace my dog one of my thieve. Do you think I will replace you? No, certain things and people are not replaceable.”
This blog site has ended up being my best friend and my therapist. Both of us are not obligated to each other.
to be continued….
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