Sara thinks her entire life is surrounded by the darkness. Sara had not seen anybody who is loyal. No love or loyalty in the entire life. Everything appear materialistic which is away from the reality.
Sara was loyal to Ahmed but he appeared to be very coward. His betrayal has impacted Sara’s mind and heart negatively. She loved him but he could not realize the value of the her love. Let him stay with his guilt and cowardliness; of course, he will realize one day but sara has no place for a coward and untrustworthy person. He deserves it.
Sara feel a lot better. She cried last time after displaying Ahmed’s pictures. She never wanted to that but she did it because he has made her to do it. Sara says angrily,”I did it because of that coward person who brought more darkness in my life. People don’t believe me because of him”.
Sara lives alone behind the closed doors and curtains without any human interaction. She spend her time reading or writing on the blog or watching TV. She doesn’t have any hope or desire anymore. Trust and dreams are taken away from her. Hopes are ruined. Decades of her love and feelings are ruined. Her life and love both has snatched from her.
She doesn’t like to step out the main door. Thanks God to the home delivery services who deliver everything at home. She is cleared by the psychologist to stay alone. She is not harm to herself or others. Sara miss her work though. She misses her every day patients who visit the emergency room who knows for what. But they always ask who is on the duty staff, today. Sara was one of their favorites one because she was firm and hardcore but they knew her heart is so soft. Sara always let them sit in the ER and let the nurses to give them food. They also have listened to Sara.
Sara’s mind is not busy either. She is calm and quite. While at home, she doesn’t require any medicine to sleep on time. Fog from the brain has started to clear which is caused by the multiple medications.
Sara thinks the darkness in her life was since she was 16 years old but Ahmed has turned that darkness more darker. However, someone’s selfishness and cowardliness has killed her forever. She look at everyone with some suspicious eyes and thinks that person could stab you anytime.
However, she like talking about the wiseman. She wishes she could see him but he has left the way he came. His harsh words have created some courage in her. It was like someone trying to wake you up. He was just like a shadow. The existence of wiseman is true so Sara is not paranoid. She wish he could stay little longer but boring and old wise man has some ethics. Even she tried to stop him but he refused to stay. I think he was afraid that Sara might be emotionally attached to her. The wiseman might knew the darkness surround Sara all the time since she was 16. So he was right leaving Sara alone so she won’t hurt anymore.
Sara thinks the darkness in her life is permanently and nobody knows how to take it away. Even, the wiseman was scared from her dark side. She always get scared from that darkness. Sara raises her two fingers which is not sure if indication of victory or 2 days, or 2 months or 2 years or 20 years. Sara smile and says it is my secret.
The question is how Sara will react when she face the human being again. Right now, it is hard to predict whether she is in a denial or acceptance phase of her grief. Sometimes Sara points to her dog to tell him that Ahmed is also dead, “hey boy, have you seen him. Don’t forget to bark at him or bite him if you seen him over there. He is not a good bubby anymore. He is mucho dirty bubby now”.