My Weakness is my Confusion


Image source: deviantart.com

My weakness is my confusion or it is another way around.  I am confused which is making me a weak person. I am not born to be a weak person. A person becomes weak when he or she is in a search of reality or truth. Sometimes a human gets trapped into his or her own feelings while searching the reality. We know only when we already have become so weak to function. It is very easy for a person to tell somebody, ” Are you crazy or what”. However, the person who has already become the victim of her own weakness, why we still continue making fun of that person’s feeling. Instead of helping her out we still continue to propel her toward the same mistake.

Everybody has weakness. Even God has a weakness. We should not hide our weakness because it would make us more weak or vulnerable. Most of the time, insecurity and unavailability of certain things in our life. My weakness is my confusion which is related to my feeling or my love. How much we hurt when we love someone beyond the limitation. How about the trust when we trust somebody blindly. The same person who you love or trust, backstab but you continue to love him even you know the reality. In this era, people call it stupidity but in ancient time it used to call true love. The advancement in the technology and development of social media actually has changed the definition or importance of love. The definition and importance of love are also changed since politics has entered into our houses. The feeling of love has become a game of politics so people don’t stop playing with somebody’s emotions. This is the time when people become confused, which slowly turn into a weakness.

I am totally confused because my feeling and love have become my weakness which is continue to blindfolding me even I know the reality. However, I am not ready to accept it. The reason of unacceptance is my belief or love for him. I am confused and has become weak and vulnerable. I am not sure who I should believe or trust. The person who I have been trusting has left me in the middle of nowhere. I am standing in the middle of four-way which leads to four different directions. However, I am not ready to take a step because I have a fear in mind of taking a wrong step. The fear which is to continue creating confusion, and I am getting weak day by day.  I am afraid to take a step. I am waiting for somebody to hold my finger and show me the right direction. But who would be that person in this dark era of life? People will comment you with some strong and powerful words but some people may lead you taking a wrong step. Some people may say that you are luna tunic case or crazy or many nasty words.

I am standing middle of this four-way now. You can also call chakra-view which is round in the circle. I have been trapped there. I am waiting for that person who I love most to come forward to hold my finger and help me to come out of that confusion. However, Nobody out of eight billion has the courage to do it. The reason is very clear that humanity has gone long ago. I am afraid to face reality. I know what is the reality but still, I am there and waiting for him. My love is deaf, blind, and mute so he cannot help me. I fail to understand him. Once I have claimed that I know him more than he knows himself; however, I am totally wrong.  He is my weakness. He knows it so he wants to see how much I could be vulnerable. He might have fun to see how much I am suffering without him. Despite knowing everything, I am refusing to acknowledge it. I go back and forth around him asking his help but he already has made his mind so what could I do now. Should I fight back to seek justice or help to prevent further damage or just forget and move forward in my life?

Fighting back could be similar to raping your feeling again, insulting your morality, and insulting the reputation of your parents. Are you ready to take many bad comments against you and your faith? Are you still confused if or ifs not. I am confused. I am waiting for magic. I am waiting for God. I am waiting for justice. I am waiting for somebody’s boldness or courage who have the ability to hold my hand and make me come out of my entrapment. He could be my brother, my father, or my lover, or just a friend. She could be my sister or mother or any female.  Ignoring his behavior could create another me. Should I allow it to somebody to suffer like me? Where is my humanity now? Where is my courage now?

It is very easy to say, ” I love you and will die without you”. Are you really believe it? if not, I am the alive example here. I tried and I am still trying to come out of this circle but never succeed. The reason is very clear. First, nobody will come forward because this is the era of darkness. Secondly, this world is selfish and greedy. Thirdly, there is no justice. Yes, I am having a false hope at the wrong person to hold my finger. I am having hope from the same person who put me actually in this position because he is my weakness which is leading me to the path of confusion.  Okay for while I realize the reality so I thought to hold somebody’s else finger to come out of my chakra-view.  The person I have approached recently fail to recognize it but I was afraid to lose that person too. My new angel is the busiest human on this earth. I asked my angel once but I think my confusion has made him or her confused too. I wish my angel would come and hold my finger, hug me, and tell me, “I am here with you and you are not alone in this world”. This could change my life significantly due to new hope, faith, and sense of security. My angel could help me to leave my past behind, cross the present, and show me the door of the future. However, I am not related to him. I am nothing so why he or she would come forward to help me out. I am not lazy so I am trying harder to come out of the circle but something comes put again it put me in the same position. So my fear, insecurity, faith, and belief keep creating the same situation. Am I confused? or Am I weak?

Yes, my love did not have the courage to come forward, I am hoping my angle would show some courage to hold me, hug me, and show me my new path. I wish my angel provide me the sense of security. The angel is an angel, A God is the God,  a devil is a devil, a boss is a boss, so would be my guide. Hey, I am daydreaming because it will provide hope or little light to live one more day on this earth.

I can just wish and pray.

Thanks.

3 thoughts on “My Weakness is my Confusion

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